Monkey See, Monkey Don’t

Matthew 22:39 – …Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

People that experience mistreatment and verbal or physical abuse often grow to conduct the same behavior toward others. Children take on the destructive behaviors of their parents when they have children themselves. Husbands abuse their spouses in the same manner they witnessed their mother being abused. Young girls learn to use their femininity as a means to get what they want because they watched their mothers and other adult women do the same.

Oftentimes these behaviors come as unintentional acts that developed over a period of time. Many people are not intentionally trying to be abusive or carry on the negative traits they experienced, but it does happen.

1. How do you want to be loved? As Jesus provides the second great commandment in the law (Matthew 22:39), it’s important we first consider how we want to be treated. We don’t like to be yelled at, put down, trampled, abused, or taken advantage of.

2. Use how you want to be loved as your baseline for your relationships. To change the nature of your relationships, you must make a conscious effort to establish a new standard. Continue to remain connected and committed to prayer, God’s Word, and His direction in each relationship.

3. Don’t think about change, be about change. You can’t think about (or hope for) change and expect it to happen on its own. You don’t have to continue the destructive patterns you once held. Repent. Forgive. Ask for forgiveness. Walk in humility and love. Restore relationships.

4. Understand that pain takes time to heal. Some relationships may not be healed/restored without time and patience, often away from you. Just as many of the abusive situations you endured took years for you to be fully healed, you can’t expect the abuses you committed to be overlooked immediately (though this is our prayer for God to heal hearts, minds, and souls as such). Pray for them often and ask God to show you ways you can help them find the love, peace, and healing they need to be whole.

5. Be committed to creating a new standard of love for those around you. Just as you may have picked up negative behaviors and traits, allow those around you (especially your children) to glean from positive behaviors that they carry as they continue in life. Break the cycle and commit to a new standard based on love.

^{Photo courtesy of freeimages.com/stoob}