Breaking the Rod

Proverbs 13:24 – He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

When it comes to discipline or punishment, many of us believe if ‘you spare the rod, you spoil the child’ (Proverbs 13:24). And many take every opportunity to use the rod without understanding the purpose of discipline. For many people disciplining their children, they react based on emotions. Yes, they want to correct negative behavior, but may do so out of anger (sometimes uncontrolled). However, there’s a few reasons why this approach can be counterproductive:

1. Discipline is a corrective tool. In disciplining our children, our purpose must be to (1) isolate the behavior; (2) address it appropriately; and (3) place our children on the path toward good and godly success. Discipline is not a means for us to take out our anger on our children. If we know our children well, using a rod may not the most effective means to correct their behavior in every situation. Sometimes a short discussion can accomplish the same result.

2. Uncontrolled disciple can backfire for parents. Sometimes parents go so far with discipline and punishment that the children become angry and bitter rather than repentant and better. Now, in the moment of discipline, we may not be the ‘Parent of the Year’ in our child’s eyes, but the difference comes in the motive of our actions.

Ephesians 6:4 – And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

In the height of our anger-driven punishment, we can provoke our children to wrath. If our correction is not founded in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we drive them act out in anger as well. Anger begets anger.

3. Chastise because we love them. If we desire for our children to be Christ-like, we must be able to reflect His character in our methods of discipline (1 Corinthians 10:31). Let’s return back to Ephesians 6:4 to understand what it means to bring up children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord:

Nurture. To nurturing encompasses the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment). It also includes the training and care of the body¹. When we consider training and education, these are not haphazard functions. They are deliberate and intentional actions meant to accomplish a specific task or purpose. The Lord chastises us because He wants us to produce the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:6-11). Our discipline should have a similar purpose as well.

Admonition. Admonition is exhortation.² This is the speaking to our children in the things of God and His Word. Moses provides an insight into how this is accomplished as he instructed the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:6-10.

4. We should love our children as we love ourselves. If we think about the way we discipline our children, would we want to be treated in the same manner?! Loving others as ourselves is the second greatest commandment of God (Matthew 22:36-40), and our children are no exception. We are not relieved of our responsibility to correct, but we must do so in love and not anger, hate, or disgust.

^{1 – Blue Letter Bible. “Dictionary and Word Search for paideia (Strong’s 3809)”. Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2012. 2 Feb 2012. http:// www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G3809&t=KJV}

^{2 – Blue Letter Bible. “Dictionary and Word Search for nouthesia (Strong’s 3559)”. Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2012. 2 Feb 2012. < http:// www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G3559&t=KJV}

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